Venting: Things to Do and Not to Do.

Things ….not to do.. when someone you love is having a rough mental day :

-Don’t grab the thing from them hastily….with an angry whisper.. when you can see they are frustrated with themselves for not being able to find an elastic to properly store the thing….
-Don’t say “oh do you need meds” …when they are crying from their own frustration while making their food…the food they don’t feel like eating, but know they should….Saying that they “need meds” is dismissive and rude, like it will fix all their problems if they just took a pill and got over it….or they are crazy and need to be institutionalized…
-Don’t say “I’m tired too but you don’t see me crying and blubbering about it” …when they say “maybe i’m just tired”….It makes them feel ashamed to be crying when believe me, they would rather not be doing in front of you… it makes them feel weak…
-Don’t make them feel like they treat you wrong…just because someone else does…by yelling at them and lumping them in with that other person…
-Don’t tell them to suck it up because people are coming over….
-Don’t whisper “fuck sakes are you serious” ….when they break down into a panic attack on the kitchen floor…
Don’t ask if they need a bag to breathe in, just get them one.
Don’t ask if they need a glass of water, just get them one.

[These all seem really personalized, huh? Yeah…. they do…
Through it all……..I tried to stay as calm as possible… telling them that that isn’t the way to talk to someone… Even offering them a better phrase “Its going to be okay, just eat something and have a nap. Its going to be fine.”]

Things to DO when the person you love is having a rough mental day :
-DO tell them that its going to be okay.
-DO be aware of what you say and think about the way they might react or feel.
-DO give them a hug [if they’re okay with hugs]
-DO let them know that the way they are feeling is OKAY.

Having a full blown panic attack is so fucking scary. Hyperventilating. Shaking. Crying. Dizziness. Urge to scream because you cannot control it at all.

I feel…….ashamed…for not being able to control it. I feel guilty and like a huge burden…. because I couldn’t control it and I had to put someone through the experience of my panic attack….I feel like I did something wrong…. but I can’t fix it.

Feeling this way about something I can’t control is what leads to thoughts like “I hate myself, why can’t I just fix it? Whats wrong with me?” and “It would be better if I just weren’t around, I don’t want to be a problem for them.”………and for me? An overthinker? Someone who is constantly beating up on themselves. Someone who fights every. single. day. to love themselves. Someone who has dealt with depression and being bullied an abusive relationship and body dysmorphia my entire life………those thoughts lead to “…What if I just stopped? ….What if I was gone?” …

Thank God I know better…..



One thought on “Venting: Things to Do and Not to Do.

  1. Some people are too focused on their own validation to notice how they are running someone else down. Even two people having an argument can share an umbrella if it’s raining.
    It can be a battle in the dark times, but you’re doing really, really well. ^_^

    Liked by 2 people

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