talked out of loving me

I got dumped today. He spent most of the week in his own head instead of talking to me. So he made the decision. He chose what was best for me without even talking to me. I hate that. I hate that he talked himself out of loving me. I hate that he hit me emotionally in the gut like that. Told me for weeks I was worth it. That I was amazing. That he loved me. And then he drove a sledgehammer into my heart. This amazing man, who wrote me a love letter saying he didn’t think he would ever find someone and then I came along, he let me go.

It made me feel worthless. I was sad and then roaring mad….now I’m feeling it again, heartbreak.  My best friend stayed with me on a call all night. He made sure that I didn’t drink too much and that I wouldn’t hurt myself. I am so grateful for him. He watched me sob, tears running down my full cheeks like a waterfall. He watched me curse and scream about how pissed I was. And I know he wishes he could have been here to hug me……….and I could have used it too.

I prayed. While I was alone and sobbing after it happened. I prayed to God and asked him to help me through the pain. Because it hurts so badly. I prayed for God to lead me to a new path. And I’m praying now…and will continue to pray…

because I feel so lost… I thought this was it. I thought I had found someone I could live forever with. And to a lot of people this might seem silly, but its true… I am truly afraid to be alone for the rest of my life… I want a husband. A family. A home.

I’m going to try and not let this sadness take me over. I’m going to try really hard.

-B

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